Shattered

My batchmates are now graduating... As much as I want to be with them, I can't I'm working... I can't go to my grad ball and graduation because I have work during those days so basically, I'm a loser in that sense hehe.;

You came into my life in the most unexpected time. I fell in love in an instant... Two words caught me off guard. Hey stranger, you made me fall in love so hard. Everything happened so fast. I scared you too much. I made you feel inadequate. I did not take care of you well. I promised to take care of your heart but I failed. It's completely understandable that you slipped away in an instant as well. I fell in love so fast and broke my heart in a moment. The memories can never be replaced. I love you. I still do. Maybe, it will fade away but most likely it will not. I'll try to live again. I'll try hard but I cannot promise. I wish the best for you.

Setting you free is the hardest thing I ever did in my life. Everyone knows I loved you the most. You are the stranger who owned my heart completely but this is what I need to do. This is my ultimate proof of love. This is my last gesture of love. I'll be the luckiest person alive if you come back but if you don't at least I know, I finally did what's right for you. Finally, I stopped being selfish. You asked for this so many times already but I refused because I thought of myself first before you. I guess it's time to give you what you want. Selfishness does not pay off anymore.

I won't say goodbye... I'll just say, I'll see you again soon. Sometime in our lives, we'll see each other maybe as friends or maybe still lovers. Someday, we will see each other. By that time, promise me you will smile back at me like I was part of your lovely past and you never regretted loving me.

I love you... I will always love you...

Achelous, you hold in your hand the key
To a treasure that should never be revealed
It's resting place should always be kept
Never to be found by anyone but me

Achelous please keep silent
It's a secret I have revealed to you
I shouted it to the rushing river
Never to be heard by anyone but her

Your kingdom is our witness
To this perfect and lovely crime
We should never be persecuted
If you will not let it unveil

In all subtlety, Melpomene should sing
A song meant for lonely souls alone
Who found refuge in each other's arms
Let it not be sang to anyone but us

Achelous I beg for your mercy
Keep the key safe in your possession
Let it not be found, let it not be discovered
The treasure is only for me to own

Achelous just be patient, I will return
I'll redeem the key from you
To reveal the secret not just to you
To reveal the secret to the world

Until that moment arrives, hear me Achelous
The treasure is for me to keep
It is meant for us
It is meant for me

This is one of the days when I cannot sleep... Obviously, it is one of the million effects of working on graveyard shift... I was watching First Class All the Way since I have nothing else to do. (FYI: I'm not really enjoying watching tv). They featured Tuscany, Italy and they had a segment where they showed Florence. There's a bridge there called the Bridge of Love. I don't know how it's called in Italian as if I never took Italian classes. The travel agent said that those who fall in love in Florence should buy a lock and go there. They should announce their love to the god of the river whoever he is and then place the lock at one of the posts near the river and throw the keys out to signify that their love will be locked forever. This means that their love will never fade away. I don't know if this is true but I just talked to my partner about it and that's one of our goals. Before my partner went to Singapore, we talked and we agreed to go to Florence once we have the means. It's a little mushy but I don't care. After all that we've been through, I can't imagine getting through all of them without some unearthly help. So I decided to write something about it. I haven't finished the poem yet. I will post it sometime soon.

For now, ciao to everyone.

We are strangers under the moonlit sky... I am a stranger waiting under the moonlit sky... Waiting... Just waiting for you...

This is the best day of my life. I stayed at home the entire day. Just ate ice cream. Bummed around. had my hair and nails done. Got a letter of rejection from up law.

What could be a better way of celebrating your birthday than not celebrating it at all? I guess everything else.

Heart beating fast
Every beat reverberates
The percussion in life's orchestra
The whole theater hears it
The theater where life's play is being shown
I am the protagonist, the antagonist
I am the wife, the mistress
You are the lover

The theater surrounded by sound proof walls
Outside it is silence
Heart beat does not exist
The orchestra never played
The play was never shown
I am invisible, a stranger
I am no one, just a face in the crowd
You are the dream

I'm starting to settle for my job right now... I'm getting more contented with it every single day. I'm enjoying the company of the peope, the job itself and of course, the salary. Yes, my salary is satisfying. I don't know why suddenly certain things have to confuse me. IBS just called me and offering me a job. I have waited for them for a long time. Now, it's here. I don't know what to do. I guess I have to wait for the formal job offer. It's all about the job description and the salary. I think I'll take it if they're going to place me at Philcoa. Hmmm... Sounds fun. :)

I just went to the hospital to have an ultrasound... Again, my fatty liver got the spotlight. Well, I have been diagnosed to have mild fatty liver back in 2nd year college that's why I decided to go on a diet... I was 200 pounds then... 30 pounds later, it did not change. I did not care before. I did not have enough reason to care. It's just a fatty liver, true to the nature of the organ owner... However, this time is different. I have every single reason to care... I'm going on a diet again to loose the 20 pounds I gained over the year after loosing 50 pounds before..I don't know how to start again but at least I know that I have to bring my calorie counter out and my handy dandy notebook to take down every single grain of rice, meat and whathaveyou i take in. It is a hard kind of diet but I have to do this, not just for me but for somebody else. Before, I just wanted to live until 25. The reason behind this is simple, vanity. I don't want to die wrinkled. Now, I don't care about wrinkles or having saggy skin or having black spots. The ultimate goal is to prolong my life just to enjoy every single moment I have with my partner...

Yes, I want to live longer for you. Kebs sa wrinkles at kebs kung hindi na ko makinis after 60 years or more. The entire point is simple, I promised to spend my lifetime with you and I guess a lifetime is useless if it's just for five or ten years right? Chochorvahin ko talaga ang pagddiet.. Kankinay sa gutom.. Hahaha!! :) I'll define the gay lingo soon but you know what I mean. I know you hate it but I know you're starting to love it now... Everything has changed...

Hey stranger... Will you spend your entire life with me? I'll make it long I promise... :)

My shift totally changed my sleeping pattern. I'm asleep in the morning and wide awake in the evening... Kamusta naman ang normal sleeping pattern?? My mom said that she's happy with my work schedule because it keeps me home. True, I stay home in the morning but stay out in the evening. Do I have a choice? I need to sleep. I'm already lucky to have 5 hours of sleep that already includes waking up in the middle of my sleep and praying that I will not go hungry so I can sleep again. Don't get me wrong I love my work. It's just that it deranges my sleeping pattern.

I once told my colleagues that when I graduated from college I looked like a 20 year old girl. Now, I'm still 20 turning 21 I look like a 30 year old woman who never had fun in her entire stay in this lovely world. I'm changing that now. I went shopping yesterday. I bought a new pair of fuck me shoes. HAHAHA!! I also bought a new pair of shoes for work. A girl needs a little love you know. Just recently I just bought 2 pairs of fuck me lingerie. I don't know when and where to use it but it makes me feel sexy. I'm bringing back the old me... Let's get it on!!!!

HELLO WORLD! I'M BACK!!!

I thought you loved her i guess i was wrong. I know you love me more than anything, more than anyone. 1 month have passed and a lifetime is still to come for us. I am yours for life. You are mine completely. No one will change that. No one can change that. I guess we are starting our new lives together and this is definitely the best gift I received for this year.

Yes we are together. We are lovers. We are partners. We are in love COMPLETELY.